you are his masterpiece

Welp, once again I regret taking pictures of a painting with my iPhone. As always, about half way down, the photo darkens, obscuring detail and dimension. Awesome. This painting has been kind of a rough ride, until the very end.
Even though I toughed it out enough to call it done, her flaws and failures are still there..glaring at me. I find a little comfort in knowing that I have brought her as far as I knew to take her. 

Colossians 3:23 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters

I have to remind myself to be glad that her failures reveal the limits of my capabilities. The discipline of oil-painting may develop my skills and creativity, but the honesty in sharing my art develops my soul. That old saying, "beauty is pain," has be true because, I have found humbleness to be both beautiful and painful. 

Ephesians 2:8-9 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

2 Corinthians 11:30

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.

Originally, my intentions for this piece was for it to be a quick exercise to encourage the frequency of my own productivity. That didn't happen, in fact, it began to get complicated and I fussed for far too long, reworking major features. Soon after she started to go down hill, I took a break from her. When I came back to finish her, I discovered that this "practice piece" was reflecting a little bit of where I'm at right now. At this point in my life, I feel like that wandering woman- with nothing to show for myself. To me, the jackalope represents God's truth- waiting to be discovered among the world's vast fields of apathy and dense forests of self-indulgence. Those rare moments when I feel like truth has found me, I've learned to cling tightly. I fasten my grip, regardless of how uncomfortable it is to be set so far apart from the elitists in society who claim they know what I'm all about (this rabbit hole doesn't fit with my blogs focus, so I'll spare you the rant). My point is, that I have never been wise enough to discover truth on my own, it has always found me, sometimes indirectly but it's source has always been the same.   

     

Its been my experience that when you least expect it, God hands us irrefutable truths, subsequently compelling or heart to abandon huge chunks of our comforting certainty. I've found it to be sort of counterintuitive that, when you seek his wisdom, our black and white world becomes increasingly more grey and the beige uncertainty tends to weld our trust to Him; our faith begins to trump our once formulaic, right and wrong way of navigating through life. In the rare moments when we are humble enough to allow it, God steps in and removes our handcrafted facade of control, gracefully shining light on his truth. He masterfully incorporates our failures into his glorious and beautiful design. 


Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

In these moments, I am reminded that creation- in all of it's grandeur, is His craft. There is something so beautiful about being cornered into honesty while you are in the middle of creating something. When your mind is wrestling with your capabilities and limitations, while you're struggling to communicate through your gifts. Even when your brain is fully occupied with creativity, the holy spirit will quietly respond to challenges of your heart much deeper than your focus..before you've even spoken. It's because of this that I understand why we associate art with communication; why we ask that ridiculous question, "what is this piece saying to you?" Suddenly, it's not that ridiculous, but rather, amazing to realize that sometimes, the communicator is your maker. Out of love, he is constantly working on you; because, you are his masterpiece. 

Amos 4:13

For behold, he who forms the mountains and creates the wind, and declares to man what is his thought, who makes the morning darkness, and treads on the heights of the earth— the Lord, the God of hosts, is his name!

Jeremiah 10:12 

It is he who made the earth by his power, who established the world by his wisdom, and by his understanding stretched out the heavens.

Genesis 1:27

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

by omnipotent design

Thoughts about friends and family..
It is not chance or fate that has brought us together; we have had too many seasons hopelessly frosted over and too many chances to amicably walk away from this relationship. "Chance" is such a passive solution, or rather, a mystical idea that seems to purposefully and frivolously excuse any and all evidence of design in the universe. When I think about why you are so important to me- to my life, I begin to be humbled by both the mystery and the obvious. I have no doubt, that it is by omnipotent design that our souls are delicately entwined. Our journeys are separate; our wills are unique and strong. Your experiences and your individual perspectives continue to challenge my values and my judgments. Sometimes when you are silent and often when you’re speaking, wisdom comes down and quickly moves through your body- escaping through your eyes; subsequently, illuminating mine. Your truths frequently breathe life into my soul, particularly when I had no idea that I was even close to needing assistance. That’s the thing; I’ve realized that I really do need you. Not to live but to understand more of who and what I’m living for. You've helped me realize that we’re masterfully designed to be intricate parts of each other’s being. I know now that I was made to love you- regardless of how long ago we met. When I evaluate the space in my heart that you occupy, I am simultaneously reminded of my unworthiness / faithlessness and of a creator [thankfully] more faithful and full of grace than I could ever begin to understand. 
  

“I have no duty to be anyone's Friend and no man in the world has a duty to be mine. No claims, no shadow of necessity. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

"In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call (any person completely) into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all (their) facets... Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, "Here comes one who will augment our loves." For in this love "to divide is not to take away.”
- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Friendship exhibits a glorious "nearness by resemblance" to Heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed (which no man can number) increases the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest. That, says an old author, is why the Seraphim in Isaiah's vision are crying "Holy, Holy, Holy" to one another (Isaiah VI, 3). The more we thus share the Heavenly Bread between us, the more we shall all have.”
- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Happy Father's Day Nyle Douglas!!! No one could have created a more perfect man to be my teacher of life. The older I get, the more hardships and the more blessings that I encounter, this realization becomes increasingly evident. You're definitely intricately designed to be my father (which only a Heavenly Father with a love so pure and intimately knowledgable of our lives lived and yet to live could possibly create). So, I guess what I am saying is, happy Father's Day daddy!!!! I love you so much and I am eternally grateful for you!

Last year, I wrote that Father's Day wish on Facebook. I remember sobbing so hard as I typed out each word. I think, in that moment, God was granting me peace in a war torn place (specifically the after math of my divorce- for years it wreaked havoc in ALL my relationships even though it was never finalized). I still get emotional every time I read my message to dad; not out of sadness, but because it's glorious evidence of "change of hearts", a truth that the world fights so hard to hide. It serves as a reminder of the all beautiful new life that has been created out of some of the most devastating circumstances. My best friend and  husband is another daily reminder that we are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made, and our hopes for ourselves are incomparable to the life that God has designed for us. Gungor articulates it more beautifully than I am able to: 

Jesus, You're the one who saves us

 constantly creates us- into something new 

Jesus, surely you will finds us 

Surely our Messiah- will make all things new

I have written this with all friends and family in mind. Oh, and I am currently listening to these two songs: